How to Navigate Meeting Your Partner’s Family at Christmas
WORDS: Alex Mellor-Brook, Dating and Relationship Coach, Co-founder at Select Personal Introductions
Meeting your partner’s family for the first time can be stressful, especially at Christmas. It may feel like a lot is riding on that first occasion, but here are some helpful tips to make it smoother and more enjoyable.
Preparation, preparation, preparation
Just as you would prepare for a job interview, it’s wise to approach meeting your partner’s family with similar care. At Christmas, when emotions and traditions may run high, preparation becomes even more important. Fortunately, you have the perfect coach – your partner! They can guide you on which Christmas traditions to respect, topics to avoid, subjects to raise, and even help you navigate what food or drink might be served – whether it’s mince pies or mulled wine. These insights not only set you up for success but also provide an opportunity to discuss expectations, which can deepen your relationship. You might even decide on a ‘safe word’ in case you need a time-out during the festive fun!
Dress up, help out
When unsure, dress respectfully but be ready to roll up your sleeves and help where needed, especially at Christmas when the family may be busy with hosting. Even though many families might not want you to get involved during a first meeting, offering to help with Christmas dinner preparations or clearing the dishes shows a willingness to be part of the family.
The gift that keeps on giving
During the Christmas season, gift-giving takes on added importance and it’s essential to get advice from your partner about what gifts are suitable. Now isn’t the time to be overly creative or to surprise them with something unexpected. Trust their judgment on whether flowers, wine, a homemade dish, or a festive treat would be best received. A thoughtful token demonstrates that you’re investing in the family relationship.
Food considerations
If you or your partner have dietary restrictions, it’s important to ensure they’re respected. Bringing a dish that caters to these restrictions might be a good way to contribute without causing a fuss, while also adding to your Christmas gift gesture.
Staying over
If you’re spending Christmas night at their family’s home, be prepared for any sleeping arrangement. Don’t insist on being roomed together if that’s not the family’s specific Christmas tradition around guests. If sharing a bed is important, consider staying at a nearby hotel or Airbnb.
Find your balance
Meeting new people, adjusting to unfamiliar Christmas traditions, in-jokes, and different cultural practices can feel overwhelming. The key is to stay true to yourself and focus on the day’s purpose rather than the minutiae. It’s an opportunity for everyone to get to know each other, so just be yourself and let them do the same.
You’re with your partner, not their family
It’s natural to want your partner’s family to like you, especially at Christmas when family bonds are celebrated but trying too hard can make you more anxious and less authentic. Simply being polite, considerate, and open-minded is enough. It’s important to remember that their opinions are theirs, not yours to control. They might be as nervous about meeting you as you are about meeting them. While first impressions count, they aren’t the whole story, and over time, your relationship with their family is likely to settle. After all, your partner loves you for who you are, and their family probably will too, given time.
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