WORDS: Alex Mellor-Brook, Dating and Relationship Coach, Co-founder at Select Personal Introductions

What is a Vow Renewal?

Vow renewals are ancient practices that have seen a significant rise in modern times. A study from 1995 identifies three main reasons for this surge:

#1 - Couple Choice: Planned by couples or their families.

#2 - Relational Repairs: Reaffirming commitment after a separation or major life event.

#3 - Group Renewal: Organised by churches or belief groups for multiple couples at once.

Why Renew Your Vows?

There are many personal reasons for renewing vows, some positive, some negative, but always driven by a desire to restate love and commitment:

Landmark Occasions: Significant anniversaries, starting a family or business, major promotions, or relocations are all milestones that might prompt a vow renewal. Beyoncé and Jay-Z took this route with a grand vow renewal on their tenth anniversary after a secret first wedding.

Problems and Woes: Overcoming challenges like health, financial, or emotional issues can be a compelling reason to celebrate. Sharon and Ozzy Osbourne secretly renewed their vows in 2017 after working through Ozzy having had an affair. It was a statement of confidence in their ability to face anything life throws at them.

Getting What You Want: If the first wedding wasn’t ideal, a vow renewal offers a chance to create a dream celebration. Jamie and Jools Oliver had a simple first wedding in an Essex church but renewed their vows 23 years later on a Maldives beach surrounded by their children.

Pure Romance: For natural romantics, renewing vows is an opportunity to continually restate their love. Ellen DeGeneres experienced this when her wife, Portia de Rossi, surprised her with a vow renewal officiated by Kris Jenner, with notable guests like Prince Harry and Meghan Markle. Ellen thought she was attending Portia’s birthday party, only to find herself the guest of honour!

The Psychology of Vow Renewals

Recommitting to each other can have profound psychological benefits. It allows couples to involve new significant people, like children, who weren’t part of the original wedding. Renewing vows can also serve as a public celebration of what makes a couple strong, helping to reframe the marriage at different life stages, such as when children leave home or retirement looms.

Vow Renewal Tips

Communicate your relationship story: Reflect on what you want to convey about your past, present, and future as a couple.

Involve significant people: Consider who is important in your life and how you want to include them in the celebration including video cameos for far flung loved ones.

Be honest about finances: Financial disagreements can disrupt relationships, so make sure you’ve agreed a spending plan.

Consider inclusivity: Remember those who might feel left out, like widowed or divorced friends or family who were part of the original wedding but can’t be involved this time through health or geography. Utilise technology like live streaming, digital invitations, and virtual guest books to include everyone who matters.

Thinking creatively about your vow renewal ensures a meaningful and joyous reaffirmation of love and commitment.

www.selectservices.co.uk

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